Eureka!

I have found a midwife! ...Today Tony Johnny and I had lunch at Panera and met Joey our midwife, She was great! she has lots of experience and is really reassuring. I am glad that I followed my instincts and decided against the other place. I am so glad that I will have the personal experience with someone through my whole pregnancy and delivery and what makes this even better is that I dont have to go anywhere, she will be coming to our house to do all the checkups!! how wonderful is that?! I am so happy with the way things are working out.
I have been having some other eureka moments. like this afternoon while i was making dinner for us I was thinking about my first pregnancy with johnny. I had wanted (like i want now) a boy and over a few days last week I had really worked myself up with worry about having a girl. I even spent a few hours crying but my a ha moment today was a subtle acceptance. I realized like before i have absolutely no say in what has already happened and that I will love my baby regardless.

Other then that life is still pretty good. We are having the first ultrasound done tomorrow! I am very excited!!
I am remembering how things happened with Johnny more now.  I  remember that it was an easy pregnancy but I also remember that I wasn't working and that I would sit around and read a lot. So I very well could have had the fatigue I am having now I just had more opportunity to relax. Anyway my point was that I remember the feeling of seeing my babys heart beat for the first time. How exciting it was even though it was still such a little thing. I am looking forward to seeing that again tomorrow. Specially since it has been 5 years or so since i was last pregnant. I am so excited. Ill write again tomorrow...